Unapologetically Authentic

I was sitting in the Adoration chapel a few days ago when I caught myself thinking a dangerous thought: “I wish I prayed like her.” How often do we think things like that? “I wish I could kneel as long as he can. Maybe then the Lord would grant my prayer. I wish I could read the Bible and understand it as easily as my group leader. I wish I had the same relationship with God that she does. She just gets it.”

No! STOP RIGHT THERE!  God made you to be you! He designed you apart from everyone else! You were thought-out and uniquely formed! He didn’t look through a catalog and say “Sure, I’ll make her just like number 277089. The world needs another one of those.” LOL! Are you kidding me?!?!

He pieced together every beautiful inch of your body and smoothed over every longing curve of your heart. He looked into the world and thought it needed YOU!!! The King of the universe and the God of all things thought YOU were needed in this time, in that person’s life, and in every moment of your life that is to come!

That same God did not ask you to pray like the girl to your left. He didn’t ask you to kneel as long as the boy in the first pew. And He most definitely did not call you into the same relationship as the girl in your Bible study! He called you to be you! He asked you to share this life with Him. He asked you to be vulnerable, and to show people a little glimpse of Him in everything you do. He wants you to be silly, or be serious! He wants you to sit and journal, or to kneel and pray the Rosary. He wants you to know Him… no matter how that may come!

 

So, be you! Be so unapologetically authentic that you start to see yourself as He sees you! You were made for something so much more than what we can see, and His love is SO proud to be seen with YOU!

 “You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed.” Psalm 139:16

He is with you. Every faltering step.

I don’t know about you, but sometimes I feel like I’m failing God. It’s like I know what I should be doing. I know I should be setting aside time every day for prayer. I know I should be treating everyone I come across with kindness. I know I should be pursuing Him in every waking moment of my day, but sometimes I just don’t. Sometimes the extra hour of sleep in the morning sounds better than sitting up with a cup of coffee and a journal to pray. Sometimes I can’t muster up my “nice side” to hold the door open for a few more seconds while someone comes in behind me. Sometimes I feel like what I want is better than what God is directing me towards.
 

Sometimes I fail and I fail epically.

 But where does that put God? How does He feel when I intentionally sleep in, or ignore the people I pass, or choose the world over Him? How does He see my constant, epic failings?

 Well, I’m not claiming to have all the answers, but I have made it this far and what I’ve seen is that He couldn’t care less. God doesn’t care that we are the worst when it comes to time management. He doesn’t get angry when we don’t see His face behind everyone we encounter. He doesn’t mind us taking a wrong turn here and there because we think we know what’s best. God doesn’t hold our failings against us because He has already won. He already knows our story… He wrote it!

 Our loving and good Father doesn’t have a rap sheet with our name on it. He doesn’t shake His head when we “fail.” I don’t even think He considers our mess ups as failures! I think He looks at us with His loving eyes and sees only our beauty. I think He sees the beautiful soul He created and He sees the light He placed within us. We can’t fail Him because He doesn’t have an expectation for us. All He has for us is love… A LOT of love! And while we feel we are failing and pulling further and further away from Him, He is right beside us!

 When we press the snooze on our morning alarm, He settles in our heart and lets us rest. When we turn our head from a homeless person, He awakens our compassion and gives us the courage to roll down the window the next time and give what we can. When we decide to follow our plan instead of His, He walks with us and carries us when it gets too hard.

 So, when you feel like you’ve done too much wrong and you think you’re too far away from Him, know that He is not holding it against you and that He is right beside you.  He is with you in your “failings” and He will never leave you to solve them on your own!

 “God doesn’t require us to succeed, He only requires that you try.” –St. Teresa of Calcutta

I AM

I was driving back to school after an amazing weekend at home. I already felt all mushy inside thanks to the beautiful time I got to spend with my niece and nephews, the movie time I had with my mom and the all too familiar conversation about my car with my dad. As I drove away from my childhood home I noticed the stunning sunset and thought, “How good is my God?”. As the last bit of sun fell behind the clouds and my perfect weekend came to a close, a song I’ve heard a million times, but never quite as deeply, played. “You are I am” by Mercy Me.

 The opening verse says: “I've been the one to shake with fear and wonder if You're even here. I've been the one to doubt Your love. I've told myself You're not enough.” How often do I feel this way? That my God cannot overcome the mess of this world! That surely, I am too much of a disaster to fix this time! How often do I doubt His goodness and gloriousness? How is it that I know a HUGE God, but I always try to squeeze Him into a tiny box?
The chorus continues: “You're the one who conquers giants. You're the one who calls out kings. You shut the mouths of lions. You tell the dead to breathe. You're the one who walks through fire. You take the orphan's hand. You are the one Messiah. You are I am!” I sat in my car stumped on this for the next 2 hours. You are I am. It sounds so simple, but it holds so much! You are the breath I breathe. You are the light in my darkest days. You are the comfort in my despair. You are my strength when I am weak. You are simply everything.
 

It’s silly, really. Knowing a good, good Father, but not thinking of Him. If I were honest, the way I think of God is much... much different from the God I know. You see, I know God is my father. I know He is good and loving and caring. I know He cherishes me. I know He looks to me and has joy in His heart. I know He is pleased with me. I know He will care for me. I know He holds my life in His hands. Even though I know all of these things... I do not think of these things.
 

To me, my life is too messy, and the world always seems to get in the way! And when I think of God stepping into my personal life... stepping into the wildness of this world, I think of a God who is holding my happiness hostage until I get everything in order. I think He is disappointed more often than not. Most importantly, when I think of God... I think of a God who has time to think before He has time to love. You see I believe in a God who is nothing but love. But I think of a God that I've allowed my pains, hurts and wounds create. I hold all of my cuts and bruises against Him... rather than truly dropping them at His feet. It's a wall I've built up against Him. As to protect myself from Him, and from the many bruises and cuts to come. I know of a loving Father, but I do not think of Him. 

So, how do I change my thinking? How do I look out into the world and see nothing but the proof of a loving Father? I guess I’m still working on that answer, but I think I’ll start by tearing down the walls of that tiny box! I cannot squeeze a HUGE God into that tiny space any longer! I have to allow myself to see Him in everything. In my morning alarm, my rushed breakfast, my classes and everyone I see on campus. In the flowers growing out of the sidewalk, the sunny days and the gloomy days, the countless hours spent trying to understand biology and the drives home from work. If I start to see God in everything maybe I’ll start to see the goodness in everything and maybe I’ll be able to see that my big, loving and good Father isn’t so far from this world, but rather, in it!
 

You are I AM, and I am because of You!
“I assure you that God is much better than you believe. He is content with a glance, a sigh of love.” –St. Therese of Lisieux