I was driving back to school after an amazing weekend at
home. I already felt all mushy inside thanks to the beautiful time I got to
spend with my niece and nephews, the movie time I had with my mom and the all
too familiar conversation about my car with my dad. As I drove away from my
childhood home I noticed the stunning sunset and thought, “How good is my God?”.
As the last bit of sun fell behind the clouds and my perfect weekend came to a
close, a song I’ve heard a million times, but never quite as deeply, played. “You
are I am” by Mercy Me.
The opening verse says: “I've been the one to
shake with fear and wonder if You're even here. I've been the one to doubt Your
love. I've told myself You're not enough.” How often do I feel this way? That
my God cannot overcome the mess of this world! That surely, I am too much of a
disaster to fix this time! How often do I doubt His goodness and gloriousness?
How is it that I know a HUGE God, but I always try to squeeze Him into a tiny
box?
The chorus continues: “You're the one who
conquers giants. You're the one who calls out kings. You shut the mouths of
lions. You tell the dead to breathe. You're the one who walks through fire. You
take the orphan's hand. You are the one Messiah. You are I am!” I sat in my car
stumped on this for the next 2 hours. You are I am. It sounds so simple, but it
holds so much! You are the breath I breathe. You are the light in my darkest
days. You are the comfort in my despair. You are my strength when I am weak.
You are simply everything.
It’s silly, really. Knowing a good, good
Father, but not thinking of Him. If I were honest, the way I think of God is
much... much different from the God I know. You see, I know God is my father. I
know He is good and loving and caring. I know He cherishes me. I know He looks
to me and has joy in His heart. I know He is pleased with me. I know He will
care for me. I know He holds my life in His hands. Even though I know all of
these things... I do not think of these things.
To me, my life is too messy, and the world
always seems to get in the way! And when I think of God stepping into my
personal life... stepping into the wildness of this world, I think of a God who
is holding my happiness hostage until I get everything in order. I think He is
disappointed more often than not. Most importantly, when I think of God... I
think of a God who has time to think before He has time to love. You see I
believe in a God who is nothing but love. But I think of a God that I've
allowed my pains, hurts and wounds create. I hold all of my cuts and bruises
against Him... rather than truly dropping them at His feet. It's a wall I've
built up against Him. As to protect myself from Him, and from the many bruises
and cuts to come. I know of a loving Father, but I do not think of Him.
So, how do I change my thinking? How do I
look out into the world and see nothing but the proof of a loving Father? I
guess I’m still working on that answer, but I think I’ll start by tearing down
the walls of that tiny box! I cannot squeeze a HUGE God into that tiny space
any longer! I have to allow myself to see Him in everything. In my morning
alarm, my rushed breakfast, my classes and everyone I see on campus. In the
flowers growing out of the sidewalk, the sunny days and the gloomy days, the
countless hours spent trying to understand biology and the drives home from
work. If I start to see God in everything maybe I’ll start to see the goodness
in everything and maybe I’ll be able to see that my big, loving and good Father
isn’t so far from this world, but rather, in it!
You are I AM, and I am because of You!
“I assure you that God is much better than you believe.
He is content with a glance, a sigh of love.” –St. Therese of Lisieux
